Log in

No account? Create an account
Second Chance Idol, Week 2
LJ Idol 2
High Wire Act

Kaye reached over and took Jay’s hand in her’s. She couldn’t help but smile as she settled back in her seat as the plane started its taxi down the runway. Closing her eyes, her mind started to wander back to when she first met Jay and how they got to this point, on the way to celebrate their ten year high school reunion. Ten years ago when they crossed the stage, she never thought she would be Mrs. Jay Doleman, yet she was.

She first met Jay thought a mutual friend, Bethany. Bethany & Jay had both started school together at Riderman in 7th grade and quickly became close friends. Kaye transferred to Riderman in 10th grade and was placed in a lot of the same classes as Bethany and they quickly realized they had a lot in common when they both walked in after the first week wearing the same neon green shirt. One day in between classes, Bethany made sure that Kaye met Jay. Kaye initially didn’t give him a second thought besides the occasional smile or hi as they passed each other in the halls until after winter break that year, when Jay’s schedule changed and he was placed in three of her classes. Knowing that Bethany & Kaye were good friends, Jay quickly struck up a conversation with Kaye that first day. It wasn’t long before they found out they had a lot in common, including being active in the same after school club in Junior High where it was more than likely that they had run across each other. The friendship between the two of them didn’t take long to build and it soon became deep.

That summer, Kaye & Bethany went off to England while Jay spent his summer babysitting his twin younger siblings. When school started in the fall, the three of them had the same schedule and would sit together and talk. Kaye & Jay used to flirt a little but nothing major because Kaye was dating Andrew most of the year and Jay had a crush on Darla, although the feeling wasn’t returned.

Bethany used to tease Kaye about liking Jay, which she always denied. Kaye always stated they were best friends and there was nothing more to it. There were enough differences between them that they would never be able to date, Kaye knew, and she would rather have him as a great friend then risk losing him.

Kaye & Jay competed with each other for grades, both of them driving the other to be even better. They could sit and talk for hours about anything, no matter the subject. They would often wind up debating about something or other, since they both had strong opinions and frequently didn’t see eye to eye. Even some of the teachers got into the act with them, waiting to see what would happen when tests were given back or a point that could be debated was made in class. This continued until midway through their senior year of high school, when Jay got accepted to spend a year abroad studying in England and Kaye got her letter of acceptance to University of Miami, her first choice school.

From the day they both got their letters, their relationship changed. Both of them were single, and they seemed to grow even closer together, desperate not to waste the few remaining months together that they had. That summer they spent as much time in each other's company as their jobs would allow and would fall asleep every night talking to each other. When Jay’s family threw him a going away party for him, Jay begged Kaye to attend. Eventually, she gave in and went.

Even after she had gotten adjusted to college, being without Jay was hard for Kaye. It was just as hard on Jay not having Kaye there. Kaye bought a cell phone that gave her access to the internet -- one of the first in her group of friends to have one -- so she was able to email Jay without the time difference being much of a bother. Kaye would often raid her coin jar when she was broke in order to be able to buy international calling cards (Skype wouldn’t come around for a few more years) just so she could talk with Jay.

In October, Kaye finally admitted to herself and to Bethany that she really liked Jay, enough to put aside their differences and try dating him. She and Bethany spent many hours talking about it and about how Kaye would feel if it didn’t work out between them. Kaye was apprehensive because the thought of not having Jay in her life scared her if things didn’t work out. Jay was always on her mind. She tried to date other men, but no one came close to capturing her mind or heart the way Jay did.

Meanwhile, in England, Jay was trying to weigh how he felt about Kaye and if it would be worth it to ask her to be his girlfriend. Unlike Kaye, Jay didn’t have many people that he trusted to talk about this, so he spent endless hours just thinking and trying to figure out how he felt. When he spoke to Bethany (they remained close, just not as close as they once were) he tried to get her to clue him in if Kaye felt the same way he did, but she wouldn’t betray her friendship with Kaye.

Once in awhile Jay would hint to Kaye just how much he liked her, or she would hint it to him but they never seemed to pick up exactly what the other one was feeling -- both of them were too nervous to let the other one know for sure.

The following March, Jay returned to the states to see his cousin get married. Luckily for Kaye, the wedding was in Miami so she was able to spend some time with him. Kaye was super nervous, but within the first hour, it was like no time had passed and nothing between them had changed. It was hard for Kaye to focus on her classes while Jay was in town, all she could think about was the fact that he was right there and she didn’t want him to find out how she really felt about him. Jay’s last night in Miami came way too quickly and Kaye took him for dinner to one of her favorite restaurants overlooking the beach. After dinner, Jay suggested a walk along the shore.

Both of them were quiet, enjoying being in each other’s company, knowing it would be only a few more months before they would get the chance to see each other again. Suddenly Jay stopped and turned to face her.

“Kaye, I need to be honest with you,” he started nervously. “I like you. I mean, really like you. Our friendship is important to me and I never want to lose that, but I want more. Will you be my girlfriend?”

Stunned, it took Kaye a few seconds before she was able to whisper, "Yes."

For the first time, Jay kissed her.

When Jay went back to England, he applied to the University of Miami, hoping to start in the fall so he could be near Kaye. The day that he got his acceptance letter was an exciting day for the two of them.

It was during their senior year at UM when they returned to the same restaurant and repeated their walk on the beach -- Jay proposed and a year later they were married on the same beach.

Five years later, Kaye remains happy that she and Jay took the chance. It’s a scary line to cross over, from best friends to a relationship, but sometimes
the risk is worth it. In their case, it was worth the risk for sure.

Second Chance Idol, Week 1
LJ Idol 2

What’s Missing?

The table is set nicely all ready for them to sit down and eat. The main dish is in the oven keeping warm everything else is already set on the table, waiting for them.  They gather in the living room, talking and laughing, enjoying each other’s company. They e only get together once or twice a year like this so they try to enjoy it as much as possible.

However, tonight was different. It was the first night they have all been together for a meal since that terrible night back in the winter, when the atmosphere in the room reflected the cold, bleak weather outside. No matter how normal everyone tried to behave it was clear that someone was missing.

All of a sudden, Bella ran out of the living room and into his room. Everyone glanced around with a look of concern, but they continued to talk and laugh like normal. Everyone knew he would want it like that. He wouldn’t want everyone to be crying and upset.

This was an important day, Bella’s high school graduation. Matt should have walked down the aisle right after Bella getting his diploma as well. Instead, next to Bella’s seat was a chair with nothing but a football on it, in memory of Matt. The football team talked about it and brought it up to Bella and then to Andrew, the president of the senior class. They wanted to make sure on this day that Matt wasn’t forgotten, that his memory would be remembered.  And he was throughout ceremony for the other 88 soon to be college freshman.  There should have been 89.

Everyone headed to the table and Bella came out, wearing his football jersey. Lucky number 13 they used to call him.  His memory will never be forgotten from the people that knew him before the accident. 

I'm Back....
LJ Idol 2
...and will be taking part in Second Chance Idol!

LJ Idol: Season Eight, Week Seven
LJ Idol 2
A Traveling Travesty

"Finally!" cried out Greta as Hillary pulled up in front of the old, worn out white house.

"It felt like we would never get here!" exclaimed Jill as she eagerly opened the door and stepped out.

The house looked just like it looked a year before, the last time the three women were there. And the year before that. And the year before that. And for as many years back as they could remember, for it seemed they were coming to the house together forever. In fact, the first visit to this little house took place their senior year of college, back when nothing bad could happen to them.

That was over 30 years ago, yet no matter where life took them or what happened to them, they returned, the last weekend of March, every year to this little old house. At first, it was about drinking and partying it up with the boys that rented the house down the block, Bill, Robert and Jim but as they grew older it became a weekend to escape the craziness of life, husbands, children and work. Now all of thier children were grown and out of the house but they still kept coming, looking forward to a girls weekend away to do nothing but talk, catch up with each other, go out to a nice dinner (at the same place of course, The Fig) and order take out and enjoy some wine. The only time anyone else joined them was the kids when they were under one. Besides that it was three best friends away for 3 days. Phones were on in case of an emergency only, something thier families quickly learned.

Getting to the house was always an adventure. But this year, it seemed like it was more of an adventure then normal.

Hillary was the one that lived closer to the house then the others, so like usual the plan was she would drive and meet Greta and Jill at the airport. She usually tried to get there a half hour before the first flight landed, and once they left the airport it was about an hour and a half or so to get to the house. This year though, it took almost three hours to get to the house once they left the airport, and that was without stops.

Greta lived overseas, but usually there was no problem with her flight and she was able to make it in on time. Jill always made sure to get her flight for around the same time as Greta's was due to land so Hillary wouldn't have to wait for either of them that long.

This year, however, Jill was delayed. Thanks to a freak snowstorm, Jill's plane didn't take off until three hours later then it was supposed to, leaving Greta and Hilliary waiting for her. By the time that Jill's plane landed they were all ready to get on the road and to the house. However, they soon realized it wasn't going to be as easy as planned. They didn't leave the airport until the middle of rush hour traffic. On a Friday, the traffic was worse then normal, with everyone trying to get out of the city.

They decided to break tradition and stop along the way for dinner once they realized they wouldn't get to the house until late because of the traffic. They pulled over at The Terrible Terrific Inn, one of Hillary's favorite places and a place they all enjoyed. While eating, Sean walked in. Being Sean, it meant he already had4 or 5 beers at least and was in the mood to start up trouble. The second that Jill saw him, she knew there would be trouble.

Sean happened to be Hillary's ex and the father of her two children. Unlike some divorced couples, Sean and Hillary didn't get along at all and he always tried to start up trouble if he thought he could. Today was no exception. Sean didn't like Jill or Greta that much either, convinced that Hillary left him because of them. They tried to hurry up and leave, but seeing as how the Inn was packed it took longer then usual for them to get the bill. Sean started in on them the second he saw the three women sitting around the table laughing and enjoying themselves. Words went flying back and forth between Sean and the three women until Kevin, the long time manger of the Inn saw them and pulled Sean into the office for him to sober up.

By the time they got out of there, they were ready to get back on the road. They were already on the road for almost an hour before they decided to stop and they still had at least another hour to go. Within twenty minutes of being back on the road, they saw flashing lights up ahead and traffic ahead of them. Turning in to the local news station, they heard there was an oil spill and the highway the rest of the way was closed!

Just then, Jill's phone rang. It was Adam, her 20 year old son who was away at West Northport College, telling her that he was okay but the bus that his hockey team was on traveling home from a game againist North Haven College was in an accident and a few of his teammates were hurt and taken to the local hospital. Once Jill was reassured that Adam was really okay and he said hi to "Aunt" Hillary and "Aunt" Greta, Jill hung up with him.

By this time, Hillary was already off the highway and taking the streets to the house, which took almost double the time. But the feeling of seeing the house didn't change. All three women had a sense of peace and calmness once they saw it, knowing everything would be okay.

The light of the front porch was left on, welcoming them. There was a note stuck to the front door by the caretaker, Stanely, saying "Thought you might be late. Rose [his life] left you a plate of cookies on the counter. Enjoy!".

Hillary turned around to look at Jill & Greta, both of them waiting like always for Hillary to take the first step in. "I'm glad we are all together again. Let's enjoy this weekend" she said. With that, she opened the door and they entered the house, glad to have the trip there behind them.

LJ Idol, Season 8, Week 6
LJ Idol 2
Food Memory

“Stop!” cried out Grandma A.

“What’s wrong?” asked Robin

“You can’t give her tuna fish! She is only 6 months old, barely speaking. What if there is a bone and she choked on it?” Grandma A said.

Meanwhile Justine sat there in her highchair smiling and laughing and pointing to the plate of tuna fish, clearly wanting it. Seeing as how she was Robin’s first child, and Grandma A’s first great grandchild, Robin decided to listen to Grandma A. After all, Grandma knows everything, doesn’t she?

Fast-forward two months….

“What are you doing?” asked Grandma A, worried!

“Justine is saying words you said I can give her tuna fish then” Robin explained while holding a spoon with a bit of tuna fish on it about to feed it to baby Justine as Justine sat in her high chair smiling and laughing waiting for the first spoonful.

“But you have to wait! She isn’t saying full sentences yet. You wouldn’t know if she choked” Grandma A said.

“But you said” started Robin. “Wait. Just trust me Robin,” said Grandma A. And that is what Robin did, after all Grandma knows everything, right?

Fast-forward a year….

“Here Justine, have some tuna fish!” said Grandma A, holding the spoon. “No!” cried Justine. “Please?” pleaded Grandma A. “No! No tuna!” cried Justine.

Fast-forward five more years…

“Please Justine? Just have a small bite” begged Robin, holding the bagel with tuna. “No!” cried Justine “I won’t eat it! I won’t! You can’t make me!” she said as she pushed her plate away.

Robin looked wearily over at Grandma A, silently begging for help. “Justine, how about a small bite just for me? You can then have some of the ice cream I brought over” Grandma A asked cheerfully.

“No, it’s tuna! Tuna is yucky!” said Justine.

All of a sudden it became clear to Robin what was going on. Denying Justine tuna when she wanted it as a baby made her not want it now. Had she only listened to her instincts and not Grandma A, Justine would probably eat the tuna without a problem.

To this day, Justine, now an adult, still refuses to eat tuna fish.

*This is exactly how I imagine the conversation to have taken place between my mother and Great Grandmother.

LJ Idol: Season Eight, Week Four
LJ Idol 2
What does narcissism have to do with me?

“I’m hurt. I don’t like the way you live your life. You don’t care about me. You never call. You’re never there for me. All you care about is him. What about me? Why don’t you ever call? Why don’t you take me with you when you go house hunting? I don’t care what you want. It’s all about me and what I want” said the voice at the other end of the phone. Sarah sighed, knowing she would have to try to defend herself once again, even though the truth was, she did nothing wrong.

“Emma” she said before she got interrupted. “It’s not like you have anything going on in your life. You always make yourself the victim and you don’t care how much you hurt me. I am always there for you no matter what is going on I drop things to be with you yet when I wasn’t feeling well did you come over? Did you see me even once? No. I can’t stand the person you are. I’m disappointed in you” Emma went on to say.

Thoughts danced in Sarah’s head. She wanted to tell Emma how she truly felt. But she couldn’t, not if she wanted to try to maintain some peace. After all, Emma was her only sister. Who cared that she was younger? Who cared that Emma had hurt her time and time again? That Emma wasn’t there for her after a horrible car accident that left her boyfriend having to dress her daily? That she had always cared more about herself and what Sarah could do for her then she did about Emma? She was her only sister and family was important to her.

She knew she should give in and say she was sorry even though that truth was she wasn’t sorry because she had nothing to be sorry about. She had asked Emma over and over if there was anything she could do to help her. If she wanted food brought over when she wasn’t feeling well. If she wanted company. And each time she was told no. She wasn’t a mind reader and to expect her to be wasn’t fair. Plus, she had a lot going on in her life, something that Emma didn’t care about and she made it clear that she didn’t.

For the first time in a long time, she decided she was going to stick up for herself, peace or no peace. “Emma” she said sternly “I’m done. You can’t keep on going on about what I didn’t and what I don’t do for you without thinking about me. I’m in the middle of a lot of things between school, work and house hunting with my husband and you need to understand that. If you tell me no I’m going to assume you mean no. Stop thinking only about yourself and start thinking about me. You’re not the only one who is hurt. So am I. When you start thinking about how I feel and what I’m going though, then we can talk.” Click went the phone as she hung up, hoping for once her sister would try to see her point of view.

LJ Idol: Season Eight, Week Three
LJ Idol 2

We all have "fairies" or "monsters" or "muses" that we don't see that live among us.

They might be simple, like the monster under the bed when you’re a child.

Or they might be something that doesn't come along until later in life, like the sock monster that eats socks.

In our house, we have a few of these.

Some of them are boring and help us out with our chores and daily things that must get done.

We have the towel fairy that hangs up wet towels. We have a sock fairy, who throws away all the socks that have holes that the sock monster doesn’t catch. We have a breakfast fairy, who happens to be the one that makes breakfast every morning for us. And so on.

Then we have some of the fun ones that come along also.

We have the writing muse that gives us our ideas and creativity when we write. The cleaning muses, for when we just get all our cleaning done. And so on.

Let me take the time right now to introduce you all to my favorite of all of these. Better than the sock monster, much funnier than the writing muse, not as helpful as the towel fairy, but still there. I’m talking about the Poo Muse of course.

The Poo Muse? Yes, it exists. And I bet after you get to know it, you will find you have a Poo Muse also! Ever got something really important done while taking a poo? Be in an important conversation, finished reading that book you were trying to finish, wrote an important e-mail or came up with a great idea for something while in the bathroom? Ever wondered what it was that made you so productive, all of a sudden? Yup, it was the Poo Muse.

See the stack of magazines just laying there, begging to be read? When do you expect to find the time to read them? See that book you’ve been meaning to finish, just haven’t been able to find a few spare minutes? Take it into the bathroom with you next time you have to go and let the Poo Muse work its magic!

Without the Poo Muse, I couldn’t get a lot of things done that I manage to get done. Some of my best thinking comes when I’m taking a poo. I’ve finished way too many books to count in the bathroom as well as have had some amazing conversations. So thank you Poo Muse, for everything you do for me. I’m sure I’m not the only one who can thank you for the wonderful things you do for us!

LJ Idol: Season Eight, Week Two
LJ Idol 2
Three Little Words

“Please stop crying” he managed to say in a hoarse whisper as he reached out for her hand, grasping it as tight as he was able to, although not nearly as tight as he was able to just a few months prior.
The sounds of the sobs from his bedside along with the various sounds from him many machines surrounding him filled the room.

“Annabelle, you know I love you. Please stop crying. Stop crying for me” he struggled to say, hoping he would be able to keep himself from crying until after she left the room. 

After a few more minutes, Annabelle managed to compose herself. “Nick,” she softly said “I know right now is not the right time for this but” she stopped short. “Go on” he urged, wanting to know what she was able to say. “I brought someone here to see you.” Before he had a chance to react, she backed away to the door.

“Daddy!” came the cry as Annabelle opened the door and she came rushing in. All 65 pounds, flaming red hair, green eyes that she was. His princess. His darling. “Lil!” he cried out, trying to forget what just happened and focus on his daughter. Next to Annabelle, she was the only thing that kept him going, that made him want to fight day in and day out, no matter how bad the tests results or the news from the doctors was. 

She adored him as much as he adored her. He was the only one allowed to call her Lil, everyone else had to call her Lillian or she would act like she didn’t hear them. When she was upset and cranky she wanted him. Never Mommy, always Daddy. When she had something to share, she always went to try and find him first. With him not at home, it was hard for Annabelle to explain to her where he was and that it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t be there. Like a lot of other things with a young child, there were good days and there were bad days. And then there were the special days, the two times a week where Annabelle would bring her to him, even though he never wanted her to see him like this. Just in case. Just in case it would her last memory of him. 

With a little help from Annabelle, she scrambled up onto the bed and curled up next to Nick, telling him all about her day in the pre-school program that they enrolled her in. She told him all about Sue, her best friend, and Scott who was stinky. She told him all about the story that the teacher, Miss Nancy, read to them and the games they played in the school yard. Nick and Annabelle couldn’t do anything but listen and steal a glance at each other, both of them knowing it won’t be that much longer now, that they have to treasure these moments because the chance of Nick getting well enough to come back home were slim. If he could just make it a few more months to Lillian’s next birthday, that would be a blessing. Let Lil have one more birthday with her Daddy. 

“Daddy?” Lil asked, all of a sudden very seriously. “Yes Princess?” came the reply. “Come home soon.” That was all it took for Nick to start crying. How can he explain to her at such a young age that as much as he wanted to come home it just wasn’t possible? How could he explain to her that all he wanted, more than anything else in the world, was to come home to her and Annabelle and the dog, Carrot? But he couldn't come home anymore then he could explain it to a four year old.

“Stop crying Daddy” said Lil, hugging her father tight. “Please stop crying”.

LJ Idol: Season Eight, Week One
LJ Idol 2
When you pray, move your feet

Rushing into the classroom, looking around at each girl bent over a desk reading. Some are standing, some are bowing, some are taking three steps here or there and others are just sitting, reading. It’s a scene that is repeated every single day in many schools, homes and temples, one that means something else to everyone who takes part in it.

I place my bags down and sit down and pull out my Siddur, the Jewish prayer book, and start. Or at least, I start to look like I’m praying. What I’m really doing is thinking. Wondering what comfort others get that I can’t seem to get while praying no matter how hard I try. I go through all the actions but I don’t put my heart and soul into it. I can’t. Because to me, it’s not real. It can’t be real. There are never any answers.

Once upon a time, the Shema and Tehillim was enough to comfort me. I suspect if I’m honest with myself, they still do to some extent. But the rest? The rest is just there. Words printed on a page. Tunes to carry, memorized at a young age never to be forgotten. Motions to go through. That’s all.

Will a day come that I can pick up a Siddur again and actually have the words mean something to me? Anything is possible. But is it likely? I’m afraid not.

LJ Idol Season 8
LJ Idol 2
I will be taking part in LJ Idol this season. Stay tuned!